i'm gonna give you breathing space, i've learned. i'll text you every once every while to remind you that i love you. but for now, i don't like annoying you, squeezing everything out of you, so i won't. you promised you'd love me forever, and i still believe it.

i always thought virginity wasnt a big deal, that it didnt matter who you lost it to, or when you lost it. but, im damn fucking lucky i lost it to my first love, because after the break up, after all the arguing and everything, i gave him something i cant ever give to anyone else, and its another string tying me down to him. i tell myself i need to move on, i tell myself that i will, but the memories always kick back in and no one can quite compare to him. i know that if i do go off with another guy, the things him and i had will always be in the back of my mind.all in all, i do love him and i do want to be with him. i do feel like im trying to do everything for him and that in return, he does walk all over me, but i let him and everyone sees it. you say youre busy, but i just think youre too busy to have a girlfriend. idk, shits hard.

it's been a while.

abbie. there, are you happy? i wrote your name in this. -_-

it's been a while. it's been a while since i've written to you. it's been a while since we've had one of those long heartfelt cute conversations. it's been a while since i've seen you. it's been a while since i've seen your smile. it's been a while since i've kissed you and hugged you. it's gonna be two months since i've last kissed you. i remember it. we turned back for one last kiss at the same time. you looked so cute that day. i remember laying in the grass with you, laying ontop of eachother, laughing at nothing. it's all fuzzy to me, like a perfect dream. i miss it. i miss being with you. i miss counting down days to when we'd see eachother. i miss IMing you and calling you all the time, and knowing i wasnt annoying you. i miss us. i miss how perfect we were. it's gonna be five months, alex. i'm excited. are you? no one believes we'll make it. no one believes we're going to get back together, but i do, and i hope you do, too. these have been the longest days of my life. it's been hard, i havent cried much because i know if i do, i'll never be okay. but i cried those first couple days, i cried in front of my parents often. i stopped caring about whether they knew i was broken or not. i'd crack and freak on them, and they'd take it because they knew i had my heart broken. i remember feeling so empty and alone. i walked through sunset alone two days after it happened, and thats when it hit me. for 20 minutes, i walked around alone, remembering the halls you and i walked through, the times we were there. the movie theater. the line, all the way to the left, right where we first met. i was alone and for once, i didnt have you by my side, holding my hand. they sat me down infront of the fountain by zumies and asked me what really happened between you and i. i told perry and them i didnt want to talk about it, because i'd cry. and i did. but i didnt let them see. it was hard, real hard. but it was worth it. i always believed it'd be worth it one day. i never stopped trying. i text you everyday. made sure i was cute enough, without annoying you, although i know i did. "its fucking over dude, im sorry" i see those words in my head all the time. i sound crazy, but i am. i've changed since it happened. i'm not myself. i can't pinpoint it, but i know something isnt right. you're supposed to be in my life. that's how it's always been. thats how we planned our lives out to be. alexander and dani, forever. always. but forever came quick and it seemed like every sad song on the radio reminded me of you and for the first few days, whenever meet me half way, i'd scream and kick and yelll to my parents to change it before it even started. it's kinda weird; how you seem like a stranger to me now. you're slowly coming back, i can feel it, but it's just different. i put your bracelet back on, by the way. i remember to always have it on. i get all emotional when i look at it, its weird. i want to hold you so bad /: hug and squeeze you reaaaaaaaal tight. i have a headache from thinking so hard about the memories, but i dont care. i wish i could kiss you again. those small cute kisses. the ones that made me smile. i always think about how your fingers fit perfectly in mine and how when im with you, i feel like i'm on top of the world. i hate seeing our relationship statuses because it's not right. we belong together. i changed your name on aim back to "The Love of my Life" because that's what you are. you mean the world to me, alexander. you and i went through hell but it doesnt matter. we still love eachother, right? isn't that what counts? i dont know. i dont know anything anymore. all i know is that i want you. i want to be with you. i want to be yours as long as i'm living. when i die, i'll be happy because i lived a long and happy life with you. and thats what i want, i want to marry you, have babies with you and grow old with you. i want to wake up every morning next to you, kiss you before i go to sleep every night. smile at you knowing i was right about us, i was right about us making it to forever. it seems so cliche and dumb to say because we're so young and so crazy in love. everyone told m to let go, by the way. all of my older friends would tell me to live it up, and fuck anyone i wanted, because i was still young. and that sounds good, thats what my life was; finding my temporary love. but, i dont want any of that. i had that. i had that for a long time. i've lived both lives, and i like being with you better. a lot better. i'm happier. you make me so incredibly happy. and you can make me so incredibly depressed. i thought i was never going to forgive you for that message, but i did, almost immediately. three days later, you IMed me. i froze, i couldnt breathe, legit, and i got goosebumps all through my arms. i didnt believe it. you came back.

i know i talk about it a lot and it's all over my formspring, but the sex isnt important to me. it may seem like it, but its not. honestly, the only thing that matters is being with you. hugging you. kissing you. holding your hand. i dont need sex. i dont need any of the things you and i do when we spend time alone. it means nothing to me. it satisfies me for the moment. i want your love. thats all i want. thats what i need.

i have no clue where you are because youre not on facebook and youre not replying to my IMs or texts. but, i love you, alexander.im hoping we get to talk on the phone tonight, like i've been dying to all week. i love you i lvoe you i vhtrkjr i love you so much. :|

i love you

It's been too long since I've written to you, and I've decided that i need to. --

I was in cell today and the topic was love and Tina was just talking about the only person who is able to love unconditionally is god. how no matter how much you think you love a boy, girl, family member, that the love is always conditional. and i just got into deep thought about you. I love you, Alex. I will always love you. You can always count on my love to get you through the day, smiling. No matter what or who, I will love you and I'll love you the same because to me, you are perfection. To me, you are the person I've been looking for my entire life. You're just this amazing being that entered my life when i most needed you, and you cradled me and you took in all of my imperfections, and just forgot about them, and loved me for who i was, not for my body, and how far i'd get with you. I like to sit outside and look at the stars, and just think about times I've spent with you. the feeling that races through my veins when i press my lips against yours, i think about it all. when you kiss me, i get a feeling of love and excitement in my bones thats like no other. i smile, the hairs on my arm stand up and i just don't want to let go. Just your presence lifts my hopes and reminds me just how sweet love is. and I've been texting you a lot, writing on your wall, IMing you all the time, calling you at nights even though i know you're asleep, and it's because i'm attached. you give me a feeling no one else has ever. you make me smile brighter than any other guy has ever made me smile and you make me happier than any other person in the world is capable of. and to think, someone out there loves me so much. to think that I've finally found love. that i have someone i can say that i'm keeping forever, it all baffles me. I've never had someone put up with my bitching and jealousy quite like you. I've never had anyone deal with my problems like you. I've never seen anyone stick around and actually be happy with me, quite like you, alex. and i love you for that. i love it all. i love everything about you. there's not one thing i'd ever change about you, you're perfect. perfect for me, that is. and i do get mad when you talk to other girls, because you're so funny, attractive, and adorable, they see in you what i saw when i first met you. and i know you say you love me, but it still hurts when i see you talking to your ex girlfriends. it still bothers me when i see a winky face slide here and there. because whether you say it enough or not, i am scared. i'm scared that one day, you're going to be done. i'm scared that one morning you're going to wake up and you're just gonna decide you've had enough. that you need something newer and better. and i hate it. i want them to know you're mine. that i'm never planning on letting go. that on your forehead you have an invisible stamp saying "property of dani" and that it's stamped permanently because no matter how many times i get mad at you, no matter how many times i cry at night and swear you just don't care anymore, no matter how many times you decide to be a dick to me, i wont ever let go. i'm not able to, i know this. the other day, when you said to me "so break up with me" i stared at that sentence and i remember a tear coming down my cheek because the thought of not being with you makes me shake. the thought of not waking up and talking to you makes me feel empty. the thought of living and not being able to tell you i love you every second of the day gives me no reason to live.

I love you with all my heart, soul, and strength, Alexander Capaldo. You mean so incredibly much to me and i hope that you feel the same way. I just wanted you to wake up with this. I love you, boyfriend. I'm hoping i'll get to see you soon. Have a good day at school :]

and i want a reply by the time i wake up n aim ;))

I've cried every night this week, i haven't smiled in so long, i haven't been happy in a month and all in all, i don't know what to do. i'm afraid i'm going to lose you. i'm afraid you're gonna get tired of my shit. and i'm terrified of being with out you, one day, because of this. it's been a month. a fucking month. that's not normal. all i ever do anymore is lock myself in my room and just cry and cry about you.

daniwoodsie: i hate being grounded. i miss seeing him every friday. my pillows are black from all my mascara from crying. ive even started crying in front of my parents about it, like i stopped getting shy about him.
scene duck: ugh, but that's good though. so they understand at least a little more. like they need to stop thinking their way, and face reality. Because the reality is you're going to fall inlove, you're not going to stop, you need to be with him, and there isn't anything they can do about it.
daniwoodsie: i know, /: they really dont understand how much i love him. my mom just went "ask him to go bowling with us today or to dinner today and if he says no then he doesnt want to eb with you" if elt like punching her face, punchign a wall, screaming nad just falling to the floor and crying. i hate it. i fucking hate it. and hes started getting quiter. being all down. bummed. he cuts the phone conversations short. he takes forever to reply. he gets cute rarely, and i just feel bad. he has to miss me and its all my fault. its been a month. thats not fucking normal. i jsut dont know what to do.
scene duck: /: Maybe you should invite him to the bowling thing. Like I know it's your parents, but trust me, my mom takes Kevin and I everywhere and shit, it makes it a little better. And at least you can be with him, and then go run off somewhere when you guys go somewhere. I think you guys just need to be together again, to make it more normal again.
daniwoodsie: yeahyeah, thats all it takes. but the bowling thing is with my WHOLE family since it's my brother's birthday. im just so down. i havent been happy in so long. we havent been good good in forever and im just drained from it all. each day is the same, cept it gets a little bit harder and harder. i cry 5+ every single day and im just tired -_- if he cant go, come bowling to dolphin with me?

daniwoodsie:im so incredibly lucky i have somone like you.

love of my life: Why's that

daniwoodsie:because you never get mad, you never get jealous, you never ignore me, you dont get dry with me when youre in a bad mood, you tell me you love me all the time, you put in effort into talking to me, calling me every night, you love me more than anyone could imagine, you make me smile all the time, you make me happier than ive ever been in my life, you tell me the cutest things, you always tell me what i want to hear, youre understanding, caring, just perfect, and you promise me forever.

love of my life: :/

love of my life: Dani

love of my life: you mean so much to me

love of my life: i miss you so much

daniwoodsie:i miss you too, alex, so fucking much. i swear i only smile when im talking to you. ive been so depressed lately, everyone notices it. i need you. i need ot be with you. i love you so incredibly much. i want to spend every year of my life with you. i want to kiss you every new years. spend every birhtday with you. love you forever and ever.

i'm so sad, all i ever want is to be with you, kiss you, hold you, tell you i love you between kisses, and see you smile. you are my world, alexander capaldo. please don't ever let go.

we're inseperable, we're perfect; youre all i've ever wanted in my life, i couldnt ask for any better.

daniwoodsie: :-D
daniwoodsie: i looove youuuu :}
cubanxx129xx: Imisss youu
daniwoodsie: i misss you soooooo much, i wanna give you a biiiiiggg kiss and squeeze the shit out of you :-(
cubanxx129xx: :[ h[[[

cubanxx129xx: Stop it

cubanxx129xx: I miss your touch

cubanxx129xx: I miss you

cubanxx129xx: I want my hands aro7und your waist
cubanxx129xx: My lips on yours
daniwoodsie: sadghfghkjhkyuhmbnhkjhj

daniwoodsie: wow, i love you so much. why are you so incredibly cute and perfect?
cubanxx129xx: No im not

cubanxx129xx: But that made me smile lmfaooooo
daniwoodsie: i love your smile, sooooooooo much.
cubanxx129xx: :3333333333

cubanxx129xx: Really,

cubanxx129xx: Haah
daniwoodsie: a lot a lot, i get butterflies whenever you smile.
cubanxx129xx: :D h
cubanxx129xx: Dude

cubanxx129xx: I want to see you D:

cubanxx129xx: Go to south ridge
daniwoodsie: .......................................
cubanxx129xx: Hahaaa

cubanxx129xx: Cute

cubanxx129xx: Veery

cubanxx129xx: X]
daniwoodsie: :-D

daniwoodsie: i love you, alex!
cubanxx129xx: :D hDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
cubanxx129xx: I love you tooo

cubanxx129xx: More than you can imagine

cubanxx129xx: Dani

cubanxx129xx: Beffiore I go.

cubanxx129xx: I love you with all my heart

cubanxx129xx: I want to kiss you

cubanxx129xx: So bad

cubanxx129xx: Hug you

cubanxx129xx: See you.

cubanxx129xx: Bye :[ h

cubanxx129xx: I hate this part

cubanxx129xx: I love youuu
daniwoodsie: :|

daniwoodsie: i love you so much, alex

daniwoodsie: ljkfjkhgwje

daniwoodsie: k im gonna miss you

daniwoodsie: byebyebeye

where do i start? ever since i posted the last one, I've been pacing back and forth, listening to love songs that remind me of you, with the biggest headache and knot in my throat, because i know what i did was wrong. you put up with my nagging, bitching, arguing, everything. you deal with the fact that I'm always grounded, haven't had my phone in ages and can never see you. i shouldn't be the one giving you shit for not paying attention to me. its just that, before we met, months ago, you and i were like a fantasy. you didn't have practice. you hardly went out. and you'd just sit and talk to me, like i was the best thing that's ever happened to you. and lately, I've been trying so hard to talk to you as much as i can, squeeze is as many i love yous because every little bit counts, as the days go by, not being able to see each other. my garbage can is full of wet tissues, from every night this week. i miss you. i miss seeing your smile between kisses. i miss your cold fingers pulling me closer. i miss it. those times i do get to see you, i can honestly say I'm the happiest person in the world, for those couple hours. and its been hard lately, and we haven't been at our very highest and when it comes to you, i make a big deal out of everything, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for whining all the time. i really am. i don't mean to make you mad or anything like that. its my first time ever being in love, and I'm just scared of having to ever live without you. i love you, alex. more than you'll ever know.

i'm tired of only getting your attention, whenever you decide to give it to me.

cubanxx129xx: Daniiiiii...

cubanxx129xx: Like always

cubanxx129xx: I have cute little thoughts in my head

cubanxx129xx: About what you said

cubanxx129xx: Buttttttt

cubanxx129xx: Before I do

cubanxx129xx: I just want to tell you that im sorry.

cubanxx129xx: Very sorry.

cubanxx129xx: That

cubanxx129xx: I treated you so bad this week.
cubanxx129xx: I hardly talked to you. Was distracted from my phone half the time

cubanxx129xx: I was just so busy but im sorry because I know that you're my #1 prority.

cubanxx129xx: I love you and I promise I won't let it happen again
daniwoodsie: dont even worry about it, alex, i love you too fucking much. its fine, really :}

daniwoodsie: omgggggggg, dont do this to me right now, i JUST did my make up, fml

daniwoodsie: i love you too :-D
cubanxx129xx: Don't do what to you x]
daniwoodsie: make me get all teary eyed.

daniwoodsie: youre so damn cute, alex.

daniwoodsie: you really are so incredibly perfect, honestly, i dont mind it

daniwoodsie: you have running, homework, school, and all the shit in between, i know you cant always have time for me.
cubanxx129xx: But I want to have time for you

cubanxx129xx: Regardless

cubanxx129xx: If im really busy or not.
daniwoodsie: :-)

daniwoodsie: i love you so much.
cubanxx129xx: I love you too :D hd
daniwoodsie: forever and ever and ever, and then some.