where do i start? ever since i posted the last one, I've been pacing back and forth, listening to love songs that remind me of you, with the biggest headache and knot in my throat, because i know what i did was wrong. you put up with my nagging, bitching, arguing, everything. you deal with the fact that I'm always grounded, haven't had my phone in ages and can never see you. i shouldn't be the one giving you shit for not paying attention to me. its just that, before we met, months ago, you and i were like a fantasy. you didn't have practice. you hardly went out. and you'd just sit and talk to me, like i was the best thing that's ever happened to you. and lately, I've been trying so hard to talk to you as much as i can, squeeze is as many i love yous because every little bit counts, as the days go by, not being able to see each other. my garbage can is full of wet tissues, from every night this week. i miss you. i miss seeing your smile between kisses. i miss your cold fingers pulling me closer. i miss it. those times i do get to see you, i can honestly say I'm the happiest person in the world, for those couple hours. and its been hard lately, and we haven't been at our very highest and when it comes to you, i make a big deal out of everything, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for whining all the time. i really am. i don't mean to make you mad or anything like that. its my first time ever being in love, and I'm just scared of having to ever live without you. i love you, alex. more than you'll ever know.