this wont make sense.

I see myself in you. I always have. But, you were always stronger at admitting to your insecurities and weaker at dealing with them. you're slowly learning how to deal with it; how to deal with it all, and i may seem like i have it all together, like everything is balanced out, but theres days like this where nothing goes right, except for alex, of course. i wish i had you with me all the time. i wish you were always sitting next to me whenever i wanted a kiss. i wish you were arm distance whenever i wanted to hug you. i wonder why i don't grow tempted to cheat. i cant. whenever i try checking some guy out, i end up feeling so disgusted. i've never been this close and i should be scared. i should be terrified. because if i lose you, what do i have? i've put in my life and time of day into you and if i don't have you anymore, where do i go? i'd go back to being how i used to. i was always single, but never alone, and it killed me. no one took me seriously. no one gave me the time of day. i was the definition of hump and dump, hit and rip, smash and dash. but, i dont have to worry about the what ifs. i know i wont have to be alone. i know i wont have to be without you. i have a headache, its killling me, i cant be in my good mood. remembering sunday wont even liven me up. i have science midterms tomorrow and im gonna fail. i feel myself slipping into my old bad secret keeping self and i don't like it.