Capaldo.

I remember the beginning, I was texting you and i told you i thought you were different, you told me you heard that all the time and that i had to prove it to you. Time went on, and i did. I did prove it to you. And my answer to everything is; I'm not scared of losing you. Your constant reminders of how important I am to you let me know that this isn't a game to you, i'm not just a hook up or some girl, to you. I'm not a fling or a phase to you. and that's a first, for me. You've done this before. You've fell in love a couple of times in your past and that's what scares me, about you. You know how to treat me, you know what to say, when to say it, you know when i'm mad, what voice i use when I'm sad, you can tell when i want another kiss, when i don't want you to hang up> you've token the time to get to know me, and you honestly know me better than i know myself and i can say the same about you. When you say something, I can tell what you really mean. When you smile, I can almost guess what you're thinking and when you say I love you, I know you want to say it 100 times more. I've never been so close to perfection before, and its all so new to me. This is the happiest i've ever been. You came into my life when I most needed you and please, Dont ever leave. I need you more than you'll ever know. I need to hear your i love yous, I need to. When you kiss me, i'm sure it'll never end. Alex, I dont think you understand how much you mean to me. Youre my life. You are my world. Just like i sacrifice some sleep and hanging out with my friends on fridays, i'd take a bullet for you, give you my life, i'd do anything for you. It's like that song by eminem; Have you ever loved soeone so much, you'd give an arm for them? Not the expression, No, Literally give an arm for them. When they know they're your heart, And you know you were their armor, And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her. That song means a lot to me. I think about you all the time. The times you made me smile. The times i cried, desperately begging for you to tell me you love me, so we can stop arguing. I've never been so weakened by anyone. Never cried for a guy like that. I've never been so small and vulnerable. I always wonder if you're the one. Movies say you're supposed to see fireworks when you kiss them, songs say your fingers should fit perfectly between theirs, but does that even mean anything? I try not to think ahead of myself. I try to take each day with you, one by one. I jump out of bed when i hear my mom's heels making their way to my room, so that she can wake me up. I quickly get dressed so i can turn on my computer and talk to you. I say I love you as often as i can, those couple sacred minutes i have with you in the morning and go out with my day, waiting and waiting till 2:30 strikes so that i can go home, sleep, and talk to you. Throughout my day, you're mentioned so many times. Things people say, Jokes people crack, it seems like everything reminds me of you. Your name is always written on my hand and i always look at it and smile. I try to get your attention when we're talking. Try to be as cute as possible, so you can tell me you love me. Try to be as funny as possible, so you enjoy talking to me. I try to tell you i love you as often as i can, so that i make you smile. I kiss your bracelet every night before i go to sleep, and whisper to myself that it's only a couple of hours before i get to talk to you again. I love talking to you. I love seeing my aim blink. I love seeing your name on my caller ID. Even if we're not talking about anything, I enjoy every second of it. You're just so perfect, Alex, and I don't know why you settle for me. I don't express my love as well as you do and my personality sure isn't as great as yours. I used to always dream up my future husband. I'd always picture to him to be perfect, just perfect. I knew one day i'd find someone just like him. But, i'd like to apologize. I'd like to apologize for all the times i didn't trust you. The time i'd get jealous of girls you'd talk to. The times i'd bring up Helen, Carina, Or Amanda. I'm sorry for all the times i'd bother you about cheating. I'm sorry all the times i'd nag , when you wouldn't reply quick enough. I'm sorry for the times I call you nononostop when you're sleeping. It's 11:05 and I've been writing for an hour. I should be asleep, but I don't want to. I want to keep writing. I want to get out everything I've been building up. Alex, I'm so thankful that i have you. I hear stories about how bad guys are. Joao's dumping his girlfriend because she wont give him a blowjob. Azmae gets used on a daily basis. Abbie's boyfriend was cheating on her. I can go on and on and when i hear these stories, I just want to run to you and tell you I love you, and thank you for holding me together. For sticking it through. It's only been four months since we met but it feels like an eternity. You waited 2 months to see me. I don't know anyone who'd that for someone. You've put up with my shit, and you take it all from me. And i'm happy, Alex. Thanks to you. I've never been this happy. I've never been so loved. I've never experienced anything like this. Ever. Every 11:11 i wish for us to last forever, and i have a feeling my wish is going to come true. At school, People bring me down so bad. They tell me you're gonna cheat on me, Or i'm gonna cheat on you. That we're not gonna last. That everything you tell me is bullshit. That we're so fake. That we're in too deep and it ruins me, It breaks me up into 100 pieces, to the point where i can't stand up for myself. I've slowly stopped telling people about us. Slowly stopped bringing you up. When people ask how we are, I say perfect and change the conversation. You may not be able to take my virginity, But being my first love is just good enough, I'd think so. Theres not a day where I regret having sex. Theres not a day where i don't think about it. Theres not a day where i wish i can take it all back, so that you can be happier. But, that's not important. What we do when we see each other means nothing.

After all the things you said to me today, to make me feel better, I just wanted to return the favor, and remind you how much you mean to me and how much i love you. Words may not describe how much i love you, but i can atleast try. Goodnight, Alexander. I'm going to sleep, so that I can have energy to wake up tomorrow and talk to you. I love you, Baby, Remember that.